Our Little Corner of the World - A Gilmore Girls Musical
by Arvan12
Summary: Occurring 6 months before the events of the pilot, in this musical prequel to Gilmore Girls, the towns funds have run dry, and Taylor proposes putting together a town musical to raise some money and boost tourism. Everyone gets a chance to sing, but it's when emotions are running particularly high that the 4th wall comes down and the characters break into song.


Our Little Corner of the World

A Gilmore Girls Musical

Conceived and Created by

Arvan12

Lyrics: Arvan12

Book: Arvan12 and Amy Sherman-Palladino

Music to "Welcome to Stars Hollow": Alan Menken

Music to "Coffee": Bobby Lopez and Jeff Marx

Music to "I Don't Know What It Means": Frank Loesser

Music to "My Test": Lisa Lambert and Greg Morrison

Music to "Town Selectman": Arthur Sullivan

*Disclaimer: All characters and situations from _Gilmore Girls_ are properties of Amy Sherman-Palladino, Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions and Hofflund/Polone in association with Warner Bros. Television. No copyright infringement intended.*

**Context**

The musical _Our Little Corner of the World_ takes place approximately six months before the beginning of season one of the television series, _Gilmore Girls_. Centering on a sixteen year old girl and her 32-year old mother, _Gilmore Girls _tells the story of a two women living life and falling in love in small and quirky New England town. Season one starts with Rory's acceptance to the prestigious Chilton School, where she is to continue her high school education. Her mother Lorelai, however, cannot afford the school's step tuition price, and goes to the wealthy blue-blooded parents she ran away from when she had Rory at the age of sixteen. Not happy that their daughter has effectively cut them out of her life, and the life of their only granddaughter, the grandparents, Richard and Emily Gilmore, impose a condition on lending Lorelai the money to pay for Chilton: that they will henceforth be actively involved in the lives of both the Gilmore girls by way of a weekly Friday night dinner. Occurring before this agreement has been reached however; the story of _Our Little Corner of the World_ does not include Richard and Emily, or Rory's Chilton schoolmates. Instead, it centers around the town that is the center of her life and the life of her mother, and focuses on the life they have made for themselves there. Said small town, the fictional Stars Hollow, is host to a cast of characters each a little nuttier than the next, but who are nevertheless loveable and entertaining. It is these characters that people the story, and it is told through their eyes. The central premise of the story is that the town is in need of funds, and Taylor Doose, the town selectman, has gotten the idea of writing and producing a musical about the town, and performing it in the town square. Everyone townsperson has a job to do, and a song to sing, and most of the musical numbers in the piece occur in context of rehearsal. Some however, do not, and it is when emotions are running high that the townsfolk break down the traditional barrier and break into song. In addition, since the musical is merely a prequel to the series itself, all plot development follows the trajectory of the series. Lorelai and Luke end the musical where they begin the series, as do the rest of the townsfolk; Sookie and Jackson are not dating yet, Rory hasn't met Dean because he hasn't yet moved to town, and Max is not in the picture because Lorelai doesn't meet him until Rory starts Chilton. However, there are one or two anachronisms. Namely, though it isn't opened until the beginning of season 4, Taylor Doose's Old Fashioned Soda Shoppe is present in this story. Also, though this is never mentioned or even alluded to in the series, in this story, Andrew and Gypsy are in a relationship.

Scene 1:

**Taylor: **Quiet down people! Townsfolk please, we have a lot to discuss and very short attention spans, we really need to get started!

**Babette:** What the big surprise, Taylor?

**Andrew:** Yeah, what's with this emergency Town Meeting on a Monday instead of on the usual Thursday?

**Gypsy: **And why are we having the meeting outside instead of at Ms. Patty's?

**Taylor: **If you would all kindly sit down and be quiet, I will tell you!

_Townsfolk continue to talk amongst themselves_

**Taylor: **Don't make me bang my gavel!

_Lorelai and Rory enter SL_

**Lorelai: **Oooh, dirty!

**Taylor: **Lorelai, do you know what time it is?

**Lorelai:** Hammer time? (_Proceeds to dance)_

**Taylor:** No, Lorelai, it's 6:04. Town Meetings start promptly at 6:00pm.

**Lorelai:**Yeah well, it's an impromptu Town Meeting, it's not Thursday, so excuse me for getting a little confused.

**Babette:** C'mon Taylor, would ya just tell us what's going on already?

**Taylor:** Fine, fine, yes Babette, as I was saying...Lorelai! Why are you and your daughter still standing in the middle of the aisle and disrupting our proceedings?

**Rory:** I'm sorry Taylor, just looking for a seat!

**Taylor:** Rory, I would hope that your mother's utter lack of punctuality has not been passed on to the next generation.

**Lorelai:** Nope, sorry Taylor. Those damn Degrassi kids are always on time, it's such a drag.

**Babette:** There are two seats over here beside Morey, sugah. Come sit so Taylor can get on with it.

**Rory:** Thanks Babette:

_Lorelai and Rory take their seats_

**Taylor:** Now as I was saying, before being so rudely interrupted, I have been examining the town's finances, and things do Not. Look. Good. As you are all aware, the bridge collapsed this winter due to heavy snowfall, and it must be repaired. In addition, tourism so far this year has been severely lacking...

**Luke:** It's only April, Taylor.

**Taylor:** Still, Luke, it doesn't bode well for the future.

**Patty:** Taylor, dear, would you please get to the point?

**Taylor:** Yes, Patty, I was getting there. The point is, the town is in desperate need of funds, and a substantial boost to tourism, and I have the perfect idea for a fundraiser!

**Luke:** Not another loony town fundraiser! What's it gonna be this time? A knitting competition? A build-your-own-butterfly net contest? That'd be perfect for this town...or what about a kite-flying festival? Or a sell all your old plastic unicorn figurines sale?

**Lorelai:** Oooh! How about a dance competition? I can be Nigel!

**Taylor:** No, Lorelai, we already have the Annual Dance Marathon, they are too similar. This is going to be something truly unique, something we've never done before!

**Babette:** A strip-tease! We've never done one of those before!

**Taylor:** Babette, please! There are children present!

**Rory:** I'm fifteen, Taylor; I know what a strip-tease is.

**Lorelai:** Yeah, she was even in one last year! I made her costumes, not much material, but plenty of sequins and lace and...

**Taylor:** A MUSICAL!

**Luke:** A what!?

**Taylor:** Don't give me that tone, Lucas. A musical. About the town. We will write it ourselves, and perform it right here in the town square. It will be a fantastic way of turning a profit, and introducing tourists to our town.

**Patty:** Actually Taylor, that's not a bad idea. We know we've got some real talent here. Rory has played Queen Esther in every Purim pageant.

**Lorelai:** I can make the costumes, and I just know Luke would love to build the sets, wouldn't you?

**Babette:** And Morey can play the piano, and probably recruit some friends to play as well.

**Patty:** And as you know, I have had a lifetime of experience in show business...

**Taylor:** Yes, Patty, your expertise in this area will be very welcome. Everyone is encouraged to participate. It will be an opportunity to really showcase the talents of the citizens of Stars Hollow. Broadway is really big right now! People flock to the theatres and spend hundreds of dollars on tickets for musicals. And now, it's the big thing for small towns to build theatres and put on performances during the summer. I just heard that Weston, Vermont, a small town very similar to our own, had a very successful run this past summer with _three_ musicals! They put on _The 25__th__ Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, Musical of Musicals, (The Musical!), _and, that loud one about all the druggies and artists. There is no reason why in a few years we couldn't have a major playhouse and theatre company just like that!

**Lorelai:** Whoa there Seabiscuit! Taylor, I think you're getting a little ahead of yourself! But the musical does sound like a lot of fun.

**Babette:** I could totally be an actor, couldn't I babe?

**Bootsy:** I played Sonny in Stars Hollow High's production of _Grease_ back in '83.

**Taylor:** That's the kind of town spirit I was hoping to hear! I'm so glad everyone is on board! In fact, I've already written a song that I think would be perfect for the opening number, a great way to introduce the characters in the show, our townsfolk. And I even have lyrics here with me all typed out and everything!

**Luke:** Imagine that.

**Taylor:** Here now, let's give a whirl! Patty, you can take lead vocals, since I know you have the experience. Everyone else will need to have some basic training, and rehearsals. We can have them right out here in the square, since the weather is so mild. Wonderful, now let's see what we've got!

Welcome to Stars Hollow - to the tune of "Belle" from _Beauty and the Beast_, written by Alan Menken

**Patty**

Look around

Welcome to Stars Hollow

Found in

1779

Look around

And meet all the people

Who live and work...

**Luke**

Hello

**Patty**

Good day!

**Luke**

Are you gonna order or what?

**Patty**

That was Luke Danes he owns the towns small diner

He has the best coffee in town

Used to be a hardware store

Till his father was no more

But to honour him he still left up the sign

**Luke**

What do you want Patty?

**Patty**

Hello to you too Luke

**Luke**

Are you actually gonna order something?

**Patty**

Just a coffee to go! I actually came by to introduce you to our wonderful audience

**Luke**

Great, don't care

Caesar, one coffee to go!

**Caesar**

That was Ms. Patty she own the dance studio

She used to dance on the Great White Way

But now she teaches here

And fills every child with cheer

She knows everything that happens in this town

**Patty**

Hello

**Taylor**

Oh, hi

**Patty**

Do you have broccoli?

**Taylor**

In back

**Patty**

Thank you

**Taylor**

Have a nice day

**Patty**

Taylor Doose

He owns the market

He's the town selectman of Stars Hollow

**Andrew**

Ah, Patty

**Patty**

I've come to return that book I borrowed

**Andrew**

Finished already?

**Patty**

Never started, actually. But there were nice pictures!

**Andrew**

It's meant to be read, Patty.

**Patty**

I know, I just never had the time!

**Andrew**

Do you want another?

**Patty**

Not necessary. I just came by to give our audience a chance to meet you!

**Andrew**

Oh, well, hello everyone

**Patty**

Wave, Andrew

**Andrew**

Hi! (_waves)_

**Patty**

Thank you, thank you so much!

That was Andrew he owns Stars Hollow's Book Store

He's dating the mechanic Gypsy

They kiss all the time

And Taylor thinks it is crime

But I'm just glad that they seem so happy

And here, are Babette and Morey

They live with their cat just down the street

He is a jazz pianist

And she, she loves her garden gnomes, that sit by the tree

**Kirk**

Hey Patty, What's with all the ruckus?

Did I miss something, what's going on?

**Patty**

Kirk, remember it's today

The Town Musical at play

He's different from the rest of us

He isn't like the rest of us

He's nothing like the rest of us

That's Kirk

**Kirk**

Hey Patty, I resent that, I am a vital part of this community!

**Patty**

I'm sorry

**Kirk**

I work 300 jobs around the town, in every single business

**Patty**

Yeah, you do. In the flower shop, and the Chat Club, and the post office...

**Kirk**

And the video store!

**Patty**

And the video store, how could I forget!

**Kirk**

And also the...

**Patty**

Why don`t you run along now, Kirk.

**Kirk**

But wait!

**Patty**

I still have a lot of people to introduce

**Kirk**

Okay, I`ll let you go

**Patty**

And now we meet Lorelai and her daughter Rory

She had her at age sixteen

They moved here and settled in

She runs the Independence Inn

And Rory`s all grown up and going to Harvard

**Babette**

Look there, Lorelai

**Gypsy**

Isn`t she pretty

**Babette**

You know, she is

**Patty**

Luke thinks so too

It`s been 8 years

Since he first met her

And yet he`s loved her the entire time

**Gypsy**

You sure?

**Babette**

No way!

**Patty**

I swear!

**Jackson**

How goes the play?

**Sookie**

Oooh! Introduce me!

**Patty**

Who`s next?

Jackson

Then Sookie

Line up

Please wait your turn!

Here`s the school

The church

The town gazebo

**Luke**

Hey, Lorelai, wait up!

**Kirk**

Another egg!

**Taylor**

Coffee, please!

**Kirk**

Toast and jam!

**Taylor**

It`s cold!

**Kirk**

Stars, not squares today

**Luke**

Fine, Kirk. Casear! Cover for me!

**Jackson**

Good Morning, Luke!

**Luke**

Hey Jackson. Lorelai!

**Lorelai**

I really love this small Connecticut town!

**Luke**

I wish I could just make her turn around

**Lorelai**

Come on, Rory

You`ll be late for school

**Rory**

Bye mom, I`ll meet you at Luke`s at 5:00

**Lorelai**

I`m so proud of her

**Patty**

The whole town is proud of her

Cause this really is a special town

A different but a special town

A crazy but a special town!

Stars Hollow!

**Townsfolk**

Patty! Patty! Patty! Patty! Patty!

**Lorelai: **Wow, Taylor, that really was great, but I have no idea what that whole part about Luke and I was about...

**Babette: **You`re the only one doll.

**Lorelai:** Well, whatever, it`s 7:00 and my belly is telling me its ready for some chilli fries. Luke, are you open?

**Luke:** Lane is there, she can get you your fries.

**Rory:** And coffee. I neeeeeed coffee!

**Lorelai: **Oh yeah, definitely coffee!

**Luke:** And coffee.

**Lorelai:** Let`s go!

Scene 2:

_Lorelai and Rory go across the street to the diner, and take a seat at one of the tables out front_

**Lane: **Hey guys, what can I get for you?

**Lorelai:** A plate of chilli fries and a vat of coffee, each, please!

**Lane: **Coming right up!

_Lane rips the order off her pad, and places it on the window ledge_

**Lane: **So tell me all about the emergency town meeting! What was it about? I so wish I could have been there, but Luke had me working, god knows why, since everyone in town was at the meeting.

**Rory:** Oh, you know, the usual. Town's finances are looking grim, so Taylor wants to have a fundraiser.

**Lorelai:** Yeah, except this time, Taylor wants to put on a full-fledged Broadway musical!

**Rory:** About the town, in the square. It's a little nutty.

_Luke and Caesar come over from the town meeting_

**Luke: **It's more than a little nutty, it's absolutely the craziest thing Taylor has ever come up with in his long history of coming up with crazy things for this town to do. And I for one am not taking part in it!

**Lane: **No one really expected you to, Luke.

_Caesar arrives with their orders_

**Rory: **Thanks, Caesar.

**Lorelai:** I dunno, it's definitely nutty, but we are one nutty group! Hell, we even had that nutty reverse-scavenger hunt, when we went around the entire square placing nuts for squirrels to gather come winter! This sounds like fun! And it's kinda gotten me in the singing mood...

**Rory:** Uh oh...

**Lane:** That can't be good.

**Lorelai:** What can I say, I'm happy! I'm thankful for my life, my job, you, my wonderful daughter, and this, this amazing, beautiful, cup of coffee...

**Rory:** Here we go...

Coffee – To the tune of "Purpose" from _Avenue Q,_ written by Bobby Lopez and Jeff Marx

**Lorelai**

Coffee

It's that little thing

That gets you up

In the early morn

Coffee

It keeps you going strong

And without it you would wish you weren't born

I can't survive the day

Without my fix

And, Ladies and Gents, that's why I come here every day

To Luke's Di-i-i-i-ner

Ba ba ba ba

Doo doo doo doo doo

Every morning I wake up

And come to buy my coffee

I'll usually have 3 or 4

Can't live without my coffee

So piping hot

So full of caffeine

With coffee in me I can work like a machine

I need my coffee

Or I'll get mean

**Rory and Lane**

She needs to have her coffee

**Lorelai**

I need to have my coffee

**Rory and Lane**

She needs to have her coffee

**Lorelai**

I need to have my coffee

Maybe one

Maybe two

Doesn't matter I need my favourite brew

Cup 'a Joe

In a nice big mug

It feels just like

A nice warm hug

Yes it does!

Fill her up

Right to the top

Gimme my coffee

Gimme moooooore!

I need to have my coffee

**Rory and Lane**

She needs to have her coffee

**Lorelai**

I need to have my coffee

**Rory and Lane**

She needs to have her coffee

**Lorelai**

Straight from the pot

Into my cup

Gimme my coffee

I'll slurp it up!

Gotta get my coffee!

Get coffee in me!

**Rory and Lane**

She needs to have her coffee

**Lorelai**

I need to have my coffee

**Rory and Lane**

She needs to have her coffee

**Lorelai**

Coffee, coffee, coffee yeah, yeah

Get coffee in me!

**Rory: **Well, that was wonderful mom, but now I really need to go to the library and get some studying done. See ya later!

**Lorelai: ** Okay, but not too much studying, it's bad for your eyesight!

**Rory: **I'll try to control myself.

_Rory exits, Lane and Caesar go back inside the diner_

**Luke: **So that was quite the number there.

**Lorelai:** Well, you know me; I do wild and crazy things at the drop of a hat.

**Luke: **Yeah, well next time, would you not doing it in my diner? You're scaring away my customers.

**Lorelai:** Luke, were you not listening? I was singing about how much I love your coffee, it was free advertising. You should get me to stand on the street corner and sing to people.

**Luke:** This entire town needs to be medicated, yourself included. A musical. In the town square? It's ridiculous.

**Lorelai:** Oh Luke, why do you need to be such a grump about everything! I think this is a nice thing the town is doing together!

**Luke:** Yeah, you would, thing like this, it's right up your alley. What's next, Bob Fosse himself tap dancing down Peach St.? Singing puppets, sequined top hats and tutus? You are never gonna see me in a top hat and a tutu!

**Lorelai:** And so another rant begins!

**Luke:** All the glitz, and the waste, it's so over the top and unnecessary! Doesn't Taylor realize that this supposed fundraiser is gonna cost him more that it'll recoup? This is a total waste of the town's resources! I can't believe you're getting involved in this crazy scheme!

**Lorelai:** Me? A second ago you said it was perfect for me.

**Luke:** Well, it is, it's just...

**Lorelai:** I can't tell whether you are insulting me or complimenting me. C'mon Burger Boy, explain.

**Luke:** Well, calling me Burger Boy is definitely an insult.

**Lorelai:** No way! It's a cute nickname!

**Luke:** I am a grown man Lorelai; the adjective "cute" is inherently insulting.

**Lorelai:** Hmmm...I suppose you're right. What about "Smokin' Burger Boy", that's definitely appropriate. Or "Hot Burger Boy", that works too. Oooh, or "Sexy Burger Boy!" I think that one's my favourite...you are definitely sexy!

**Luke:** I am not sexy, do not call me sexy! Lorelai, stop it right now! This is my job, my place of business!

**Lorelai:** I angered the beast...

**Luke:** Lorelai, I'm serious!

**Lorelai:** Okay, god, I'm sorry, I take it back, you're not sexy!

_Luke walks back into the diner, just as Sookie walks by_

Scene 3:

**Lorelai: **Except for that nice butt of yours! Wooo! Hey Sook, doesn't Luke have a nice butt?

**Sookie:** A reaaaaallly nice butt, but I didn't think you ever noticed.

**Lorelai:** Huh?

**Sookie:** Oh come on Lorelai, as your best friend, I think it's my duty to point out the painfully obvious. Luke's been sooooo into you for forever, but I never thought you felt the same. I never really understood.

**Lorelai:** Sookie, have you been drinking cooking sherry again? You're insane! Luke and I are just friends, he doesn't like me!

**Sookie:** Whatever you say.

**Lorelai:** He does nothing but yell at me and mock me, everything about me repulses that man, from my eating habits, to my love of musicals...

**Sookie:** If you say so...

**Lorelai:** We never even have proper conversations, we just insult each other, and then he rants, and then he lectures me about the dangers of eating red meat...

**Sookie:** Fine, fine, far be it for me to intrude on whatever illusions you've constructed for yourself, but can I just tell you something? LUKE LIKES YOU.

**Lorelai:** Hey Mr. Reality, break into someone else's house.

**Sookie:** Fine, be stubborn, it's so unlike you. I'm headed home, I'll see you late?

**Lorelai:** Yeah, bye Sookie.

_Lorelai goes to sit over on the bench. Luke and Caesar come out of the diner and begin wiping down tables._

**Caesar: **C'mon Boss, you gotta admit, she was flirting!

**Luke:** She was being an obnoxious little brat is what she was!

**Caesar:** She called you sexy! She said you had a nice butt! That means something!

**Luke:** It means nothing, okay! That's just how Lorelai talks to me, she's talked to me like that since I met her, and after 8 years I've learned to live with the disappointment of knowing that she'll never mean it!

**Caesar:** Whatever you say, Boss.

_Caesar goes back inside the diner. Taylor comes out of the market over to Luke_

**Taylor: **Luke, oh Luke, I'm so glad I caught you before you closed up for the night.

**Luke:** What is it Taylor?

**Taylor: ** I have your song!

**Luke:** My song? What song?

**Taylor:** Well, the song you'll be singing in the town musical of course!

**Luke:** Taylor! I'm not taking part in this damn musical, and I sure as hell am not going to sing in it!

**Taylor:** But Luke, the song is, already written! It's a beautiful duet between yourself and Lorelai! Just read it over, it really is quite wonderful, if I do say so myself.

**Luke:** Just hand it over and get lost, Taylor, I'm not in the mood to deal with any more of your crap tonight.

**Taylor:** Well, if that's how you feel Lucas, I'll leave you alone. I need to give Lorelai her lyrics for the duet anyway. Have a good night.

_Taylor walks over to where Lorelai is sitting on the bench_

**Taylor: **Hello Lorelai!

**Lorelai:** Oh, Hi Taylor, what's up?

**Taylor:** I have your music for you.

**Lorelai:** I'm not really in the mood to play 20 questions, Taylor. Music for what?

**Taylor:** For your song! For the musical! You people have such terrible short term memories! Your song, your duet with Luke!

**Lorelai:** My...duet with Luke? My song for the musical is a duet with Luke? Did Luke agree to this? Luke is singing?!

**Taylor:** He most assuredly is, I just talked to him a minute ago! Well, I must be off, I have a lot of music to deliver, and it's already close to 8:00. Here are you lyrics, try to read them over and have them memorized in time for the first rehearsal tomorrow night. Have a good night! (_Pause_) Oh! I almost forgot! Here are the lyrics for Rory's song, would you mind giving them to her? That'd be great, thank you!

_Taylor exits SL._

**Lorelai: **Good night Taylor.

_Lorelai and Luke both gaze at their music. They glance at each other, and then quickly look away._

I Don't Know What This Means - To the tune of "I've Never Been in Love Before" from _Guys and Doll,_ by Frank Loesser

**Luke**

I don't know what you mean to me

All I know is that you

Drive me crazy

I don't know what this means, it's strange

We seem to tease and flirt

But you are so deranged

When I first met you 8 long years ago

You gave me a horoscope

I've kept it all this time

I wish I knew your thoughts tonight

Because then I might

Know what this means

**Lorelai**

I don't know what you mean to me

All I know is that you

Think I'm crazy

I don't know what this means, it's strange

You lecture and you yell

You think I'm so deranged

When I first met you 8 long years ago

How was I to know?

You'd be my dearest friend

**Luke and Lorelai**

I wish I knew your thoughts tonight

Because then I might

Know what this means

_Lorelai and Luke take one last glance at each other, then Luke exits back into the diner. Rory enters SR looking distraught._

**Lorelai: **Rory, hun, what's wrong? You look like you've just seen Patrick Swayze walk through a wall.

**Rory: **Nothing, mom, I'm fine, I swear, can we just go home?

**Lorelai:** Something is definitely wrong, I'm your mom, I'm built to notice these things. Are you sure you can't tell me what's going on? You were fine when you left Luke's just a little while ago. You said you went to the library to study for a bit...is it not going well?

**Rory:** It's not that it's not going well...It's just...

**Lorelai:** Yeah? C'mon honey, you know you can tell me anything.

**Rory:** Well, in short? I'm screwed.

**Lorelai:** What?

My Test – to the tune of "Fancy Dress" from _The Drowsy Chaperone _by Lisa Lambert and Greg Morrison

**Rory**

My test! My test! My Spanish test!

I don't think I'm prepared for it

I must confess

My test, my test

Tomorrow's test

I've no idea what is going on

**Lorelai**

Your test, your test, your Spanish test

There's nothing you can do tonight

Best thing's to get some sleep tonight

Forget your test

Tonight you rest

Tomorrow we will figure out what's wrong

**Lorelai: **I know you must be freaking out right now, but that's not going to help you right now. Let's go home, I'll make you some hot chocolate, you'll go to sleep, and we'll both wake up early tomorrow to go over your notes before you leave for school. Deal?

**Rory:** That sounds great. Deal. Thanks mom.

_Lorelai and Rory exit SL._

I Am The Town Selectman of Our Stars Hollow, Connecticut  – to the tune of "Modern Major-General" from _Pirates of Penzance _by Arthur Sullivan

**Taylor**

I am the town selectman of our Stars Hollow, Connecticut

I deal with all our finances, legitimate and counterfeit

I own a lot of businesses, the Soda Shoppe and the market

I care a lot about propriety, comportment, and etiquette

I know all there is to know about the statutes of our government

I work hard to control the inner workings of our policy

And I resent it very much when people question my authority

I've read the Holy Bible: Genesis to Deuteronomy

I strive to make Stars Hollow the vacation spot for family

For I am the president of the Historical Society

And plus, I deal with finances, legitimate and counterfeit

I am the town selectman of our Stars Hollow, Connecticut

I know the names of all our citizens, from the oldest to the teenagers

I'm great with mathematics, I know all about the integers

And at my store I keep control of any fights among the managers

While still striving to ensure the satisfaction of my customers

I oversee the industry of tourism in our little town

I know all about whatever bout of sickness is making the rounds

I schedule town meetings when I hear of news of great import

And I lend Stars Hollow's Minute Men a lifetime of extreme support

Throughout the year I plan and run activities and festivals

And every year at first snowfall I play one of the generals

In short, I handle finances, legitimate and counterfeit

I am the town selectman of our Stars Hollow, Connecticut

The difference between a kiosk and a cart I can explain to you

And the height in inches of my grass is measured at precisely two

I aim to educate the populace on the dangers of the sucking tick

And I once was a magician who would entertain with magic tricks

The thing I loathe the most in the entire world is littering

I also can't stand tardiness or constant inane questioning

And at town meetings I deplore those who never stop their bickering

And require of me to discipline those who never can stop chattering

But I care most about this town and strive to preserve its reputation

By making it the best place on earth for nice families to vacation

And thus I deal with finances, legitimate and counterfeit

I am the town selectman of our Stars Hollow, Connecticut

That's all I've got for now, hope you enjoyed! I have the rest of it plotted out, but just haven't gotten around to writing it yet. Please R&R if you enjoyed and would like to see the rest!


End file.
